U is for Underdog

An underdog, as most know, are at a disadvantage in some way that makes them less likely to win. Well here is the mind of one:

I apologise for this post before I even truly start.

I am being even harder on myself than usual over pretty much everything lately. Whatever I seem to do never feels like it meets up to what I really hoped it would. And it gets me down. At times cleaning helped me get through this. But it is beyond that now!

I question why I’m really here on this planet, I try to answer in my own way, try again at doing something, and get the same result: Failure.

Also I’ve been thinking so much about life in general , that I’m so lost. Lost within myself. In this world — and where I really fit in.

My curse(s) stay with me wherever I go, and I find writing is the only therapy left in the world to help me cope with them. (I also tried two years of CAT therapy, which only worked temporarily). Also, it causes me a tremendous amount of mental trauma if I don’t write. I can get incredibly angry and frustrated sometimes, because I am so used to getting the troubles of being human on to the pages, disguised within fiction; the very thing that I live for these days.

I’ve come to realise that no matter whoever I am next to in a room, that I will always feel alone. My strangeness has been showing its colours in some very unusual ways lately. It likes making me feel out of place 😦

What I need is to start my life over. And to actually try where I didn’t and should have. And to focus on what I want from life. Since I can’t turn back time, I won’t be replaying my life. Duh. But what I can change is the attitude towards this otherness of me: The out of place stranger. I think I know what I need to do:

I need to make him welcome.


Link to Silver Cathedral part 3:


Nexus Chamber Story word count: 24,533



Filed under Jon

2 responses to “U is for Underdog

  1. Pen

    I love your enthusiasm for writing. It inspires me to write!

  2. jtotheptothe

    Good 🙂 I’m glad I’ve left a positive affect on someone.

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